Sherlock and his Misguided Attempt at Love
by Princess Procrastination
Summary: In which the boys talk about sex and John realises that he might have been dating Sherlock for years. Rated T for mentions of sex. Slight Sherlock/John


Sherlock and Sex

In which the boys talk about sex and John realises that he might have been dating Sherlock for years.

A/N: I hope you like this, I'm keeping it incomplete but I'm not sure I should continue...

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><p>Ever since Irene Adler had entered the scene, everybody had been obsessed with sex or in Sherlock's case lack thereof. Even Mycroft was making virginity related jokes at his younger brother's expense and because (though he hated to admit it) Sherlock was a human being, John could tell that these where chipping away at Sherlock's ridiculously large self-esteem. At first John had thought this could only be a good thing, however over time the doctor realized that he actually missed the detective's snide remarks about his blog or Sherlock's other sociopathic tendencies.<p>

Then Sherlock started acting strange…well, stranger than usual. His demeanour suddenly improved like it usually does when the pair got an interesting case –but at the moment they were looking into a simple, domestic double homicide, which even Anderson could solve (according to Sherlock it was only a 1 or a 2- not that John knew what that meant since he hadn't even been there during that particular conversation).

John would have like to have said that when Sherlock pinned him down on his bed and then checked his pulse and pupil dilation it had come as a surprise. It had not. Well, it had, slightly, if John had to equate it to something he would say his surprise was equal to the surprise he got when the bus arrived earlier than scheduled (not that John caught the bus anymore).

"Your pupils are dilated and your pulse is up, you're attracted to me."

"I'm not gay." John replied as if he'd repeated the phrase a million times- which he had.

"I never said you were." Sherlock replied smirking.

John tried a different approach already knowing that if he tried a physical tactic Sherlock or himself would get injured and John could not be bothered to do first aid because the most brilliant detective in the world was acting like a hormonal teenager, "Those symptoms are due to adrenaline."

"Adrenaline?" Sherlock went over the thought in his head before deeming it unimportant, "It doesn't even matter, I just want to have sex with you."

"With me? Are you sure you don't just want to have sex?"

Sherlock paused wondering which answer was more likely to further his cause.

John rolled his eyes, "Sorry Sherlock, I don't want to have sex with you and as they say, it takes two to do the horizontal tango."

Sherlock looked down incredulously at John's face which was flushed red from the heat radiating off his friend, John returned the look, his face the picture of innocence as if he didn't say what he did. Sherlock rolled off his blogger and lay down beside him on the bed. Then they burst out laughing.

Once their giggling fit was over John looked towards his friend whose face was now the epitome of seriousness, "I still want to have sex with you."

"No, Sherlock." John reprimanded the man like he was telling off a child.

"Why not? We're much closer than you've ever been with your girlfriend…s, we live together and we've already been on three dates."

"Wait, dates? What are you talking about Sherlock?"

"Three dates, you know the threshold for sex."

"No, that I understand. I was asking about the dates we've been on, you know together."

"We went to an Italian restaurant when we first met."

"That was a stakeout it hardly counts as a…I seem to remember you saying you were married to your work that day."

"It was a date there was a candle, and I'm sure my work wouldn't mind me having an extra-marital affair."

"It might not but I don't really want to be your bit on the side."

Both boys let out a chuckle at this then Sherlock went on to describe the pairs second 'date', "We went to the circus."

"You don't count, that was a date with Sarah, and you were a third wheel."

"She was the third wheel." Sherlock argued back childishly.

John sighed, "Fine, what about our third date?"

"We went to the antiques museum."

"We got shot at, that is where I draw the line. In no way was that a date."

"But we did go on three different occasions."

"Yeah, but we weren't there for that long and we didn't even look around."

"I did," Sherlock added, "I saw some ancient skulls."

"Isn't Yorik enough for you?" John said referring to the skull Sherlock owned but he had named before returning to the dating conundrum and asking, "Were you getting shot while looking at the skulls?"

Sherlock thought to himself for a second then avoiding the question completely said, "We went to the swimming pool."

"That doesn't count either."

"We weren't shot at."

"There were still guns, Sherlock!"

Sherlock pouted, "I never said they were good dates."

"That's not how it works Sherlock; nobody goes on a bad date then sleeps with the person anyway because of the three date rule. It's more like a guideline. A warning, like an alarm bell that goes off in a man's head and screams, 'this is the third date if you're not getting some by now then you're doing something wrong.'"

Sherlock looked at John, "So I'm doing something wrong?"

"No!" John sounded exasperated, "We haven't gone on any dates."

"Do you want to?"

John just sighed.


End file.
